As a kid, TV was like Cap’n Crunch (love where they put the apostrophe): something I wanted, but did not have a lot of at home. We had a TV, but I always wanted to watch more. I would go over to Danny’s house across the street for both Cap’n Crunch and lots of TV. Endless. He could watch whatever he wanted. Because of this, he was not that interested in TV. That is how these things work, I guess. Take the energy and the taboo out something and the child wanders off. Put the taboo in and it’s flies and honey. At some point permissiveness backfires, I am sure, but I loved going to Danny’s. I would eat the Crunch until the roof of my mouth was raw.
In me are both these people – the instant no and the reflexive, screw you, yes. It is like a big guy is staring down at me with the ”no” ready at any moment and looking up at him is a littler, younger me whose middle finger is cocked and ready and you says, screw you, yes I can. Who are these two people talking to? Who is this that is writing to them? It feels like I have these two people in me and yet they are not me. I did not used to know that. The guy writing this has choices and is not afraid of yes or no. Weird. A new me woke up. Is there another me dreaming, unconscious still?
Utah, 2009, Nikon D100, natural light, Aperture 3
