What I Want

What I Want

”Too much of everything is just enough.”  Jerry Garcia

I pictured a rainbow
You held in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw then plan
I wondered out in the world for years
While you just stayed in your room
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon!
The whole of the moon!

You were there at the turnstiles
With the wind at your heels
You stretched for the stars
And you know how it feels
To reach too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon!

Mike Scott, The Waterboys, The Whole of the Moon

Even though I am a big guy–6’4” (viking build, etc. !) I can disappear into a small space.  I minimize myself and my wants.  When I was a kid I would not pick up my medals at swim meets.  I feel the need to save things that don’t need saving.  I don’t mean like save the whales, I mean crazy things.  Like I won’t want to use a lens on my camera because something in me wants to save it.  I will keep the one that is on there to have this weird sense of something to fall back on.  The colors in this photo are lush.  When I saw them on the screen I thought, ”hmmm, maybe too much, better save that”  You think I am kidding–saving the awesome green and yellow pixels for a rainy day–but the thought went sailing through me.  I had to tell myself it was ok to put all that color out there.  I will let you extrapolate this to other areas of my life.  You may imagine how it might play out and you will likely not be far off.  Fun, huh?

Anyway, today I want all the colors, and all the texture and all the feelings they bring.  I want all the leaves of autumn and I want the whole of the moon.

painting: Les Lyden

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7 Responses to What I Want

  1. Stephen Parkhurst says:

    I want you to keep this up…

  2. Kathleen says:

    Beautiful photograph, just breathtaking. Does the saving feel like you are trying not to be too indulgent? I know sometimes I am waiting to try something or listen to something or do something because I am waiting for the moment when I can allow it to capture my full attention and right now I am still in the process of learning so many things that I don’t want this new experience to crowd out the current ones.

    • stephenarcher says:

      Kathleen,
      I think you would understand the feeling, the avarice, I described. It is partly wanting to savor, partly wanting to make sure there is something left, hedging bets. All of that I think. The crowding out the current experiences is part of it–there won’t be room for all this good stuff? I will run out, get overrun, disappear, miss something. The truth is that I have a huge capacity for experience, memory and life in general, but these crazy little beliefts want their footholds–like weeds.

  3. P. Voyles says:

    Sometimes you have to grab what is in the moment and use it. I would not have been able to envision my hand feeling the smoothness and bumps in this photograph had you saved it. The use of color is both relaxing and rough. I look forward to what you share and don’t save.

  4. Rose M says:

    I love this post. You are really ……………….real

  5. Karanveer says:

    This is such a perfect song for those of us who have come throguh divorce and made a better life for ourself. Thank you for sharing this really touched my heart!

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