Lots of things are changing in my world…my business is not what I thought it was and it may be even less of that soon, a baby is floating in a very small ocean right next to me and soon that ocean will float that baby into my life–like Moses in the bullrushes. So I have the opportunity to ask a question: what do I want my life to look like now? Inside me there are the voices of “no” that simply stand like trees all around me. They have always been there. I don‘t know how else to describe them. I would like to say they are silent but they are not. They have the one word. I think I feel them as real and all around me but they are not. They are made up, in my head, not what I thought they were. I can, like this little seahorse, simply swim through the gate of his coral corral, and away.
I have lived so long with the Trees of No that I actually behave as if they are real and that they can keep me here/doing this or that/unhappy/resentful/stuck. They cannot. It helps me to have other voices talk to me about Yes. Rose does this. Anita, Will, Phil, Barbara, Claire, Kim, Sean, Mary, Brian, Pam, Preston, Kelly, Tim, Blake, Chelsea, and many more. Hmmm. There are lots of yes people in my world. They are my friends. With all these other voices, I still find myself hanging out in the same familiar, dark and dank reaches in my head.
It‘s not one of the other, I know. It‘s not all yes or all no. I also know that I have not led a life of paralysis. I have had great adventures in all kinds of ways. My last post on this blog called for me to look for the circle of people who make up my village, who are already there. It is time to look at them and not for them, to know and believe and act as if I am not alone. The voices in my head–those old voices–are just not right and although they are me, they are not all of me, truly me, and they are not my best me. The other voices (my voice, really) tell a different story, and they are waiting.