When I was a surgery resident we had a weekly conference with our chairman of surgery. He, like most chairs in departments of surgery, was a delightful tyrant. His job, his mis sion, was to find our small est mistakes and equate them to the end of the world. He took this seriously and was very good at his job. We loved our hour with him each week. I have a distinct memory of sitting in the room with my fellow residents before professor‘s hour (what we called the weekly interrogation) one day and talking about some grim reality of our 100 hour a week jobs. I think it had to do with some other set of residents dumping work on us. I was denying that they knew how this was affect ing us. I was in the back of the room when I said this and I saw every head turn to look at me, jaws dropped at my naïveté.
“What?” That‘s what I said. Their heads were already shaking. I said, “Well, I don‘t believe it and I don‘t want to live in that kind of world.” More shaking heads. Then the prof walked in and we smiled as he lashed us.
Sometimes I don‘t want to believe what is pretty clearly in front of me. Most of the time this involves me choosing to disbelieve that I am being mistreated in some way. I hold on to the rosy belief that people want to be decent. I get burned.
I am not writ ing this to paint a picture of a beatific me. It is not a great trait. It is blind in a harmful way. My thinking I am doing the right thing, being decent, etc. dose not change the bru tal world that rises up to take care of itself out there. It does not change dis honesty in the work place. It doesn‘t change money grubbing. It doesn‘t change my responsibility either.
I am currently in a couple of situations in which real people that I know and work with are either coming for me finacially and/or unjustly taking advantage of my good will at work. Tomorrow that stops. I have a meeting in which I will meet with my smiling col leagues. Even though they will change their story and back peddle and claim they are walking on water, I will keep my eye on the real ity that they quack and walk…
like ducks.
Facing conflict head on. I am learning to do that and I appreciate you sharing this. I appreciate your honesty. It’s not easy, but it needs to be done. I wish you well tomorrow.
The duck in front looks like he is in charge and holding his ground. I wish you the best.
Thank you
Wow Stephen, this one hits home; I really appreciate this post.
Thank you Steve. Hope you are well and that your family is well this New Year.
Ohhhhhhhhhhh! I can relate to how you feel (about believing people want to be decent and feeling naïve). I want to believe the best of people, but painfully I think I am realizing that very few people care and I am just a big, bright, obvious fool, but maybe I have just been burned too. Even worse, I believe that since I want to believe the best of people, that they will believe the best of me. Nope this does not happen either. So is it worse for me to look truthfully foolish or grossly misunderstood? I think for me it is worse to be grossly misunderstood because then, I feel I can at least continue to believe in the best of myself, even if no one else does. Sometimes, I feel like that is all I have to hold on to of myself.
I wish for you the best for your work situation.