Today I learned that 65% of the stars we see burning through the draped velvet are really double stars. If one looks through a telescope it is two stars most of the time. I am thinking of relationships. The bright ones are mostly made of two individuals who maintain themselves as their own, follow their own paths and interests. They can say “no” without having to apply a lot of sugar. This allows them to say yes with a light heart, I think. I am lucky to have a partner who is aware and willful enough to strive for herself.
Anyway, this could sound preachy if I leave it there, so I will circle in on myself. I am now wondering about triptych stars. The child arrives. (My own personal tale about that miracle involves him shooting through a bright hole in the velvet straight into our arms.) At this golden moment in the first weeks of life I have no say in what he does or does not do. We can think we want a nap now or a poop then, but we can’t. He is completely his own person, and I can’t do much to interfere with that. He is getting his shot at living only n this moment, responding only to his needs. The cruelty is that he won’t remember the power of now. At some point in the future I will start to impose myself and my will on him, for his own good of course. Sometimes truly, but sometimes not. I will force him to fuse with me. I will question or squash his “no” and miss his “yes”. I will mourn that and he will have to heal from that.
I want to raise a wild human. The rest of the world will want to domesticate him, make him stand in line. Can I learn to know myself well enough to keep him safe while he truly explores the world he finds himself in? Can I tolerate his wild, beautiful heart? Can I let him flow and flower?