Being able to say what I need has been one of the hardest things for me to do in my life. Most of the time, meaning many many years on end, I have literally not known the answer to the question, what do you want/need. Maybe as a result of that (or vice versa) I diminished what I thought I needed. I tried to disappear, not exist. The tricky part of that is that it was my ego looking for a back door in to the spot light of your attention still, even when I was fading in to the background. I can’t explain how, and it doesn’t help to make too big a deal out of that part, but it’s in there. Mostly though I just had no idea what I felt, what I wanted, what I needed. I stayed paralyzed in that. I tried lots of things to help me feel so I could know where I began and ended. Some of them worked.
What has worked best is simply using my voice to say what is true about me. Starts with things like: I am hungry. That sun is in my eyes. Little stuff. Eventually I was able to expand in to saying deeper truths: you won’t abuse me anymore, because I deserve better. Or, I need to explore my inner spaces so that I can return to the world without being insane.