Beneath the almost not there
veneer of what you see?
Comfort finds me in the sheer
folds of the curtain between you and me.
____________________________
I have work to do in the world in my head. I have places to explore. I don’t know hardly any of it. I like it. Is that weird I wonder, but how could it be? My mind thinks independently of the part of me that watches it. I generate images, ideas, connections that cause this other part of me to say “wow”. I like it that I am able to recharge within myself, that knowing my brain holds interest for me. I like it that my feelings, rounder and windier than my thoughts, are gaining their own prominence and fascination for me also.
I experience my brain like beautiful geometry and puzzles, like the wonder of something well made, something that fits well in my hand. I experience my heart like a wave, like the lump in my throat when I body surf and the wave takes me in its breaking, when I have no way out but through – scary, exhilarating, risky.
Crazy, I never thought about my mind in this way? You’ve described it the way I’d probably describe traveling… To ‘explore’ has always been an ‘outward’ thing in my mind… But I love this take on it… To explore within your own mind without going anywhere but inwards…
I believe this is my favorite piece that I have read from you. I understand this completely and relate to it. The picture intrigued me and I wanted to read your interpretation of it.
Thank you Pam. It’s good to know I am not the only one with these crazy thoughts.
Sigh. This resonance with me very deeply. It is comforting to know that another experiences themselves in a similar way, which was not always the case. At first, to learn that others experienced themselves the same way felt too revealing, like my secret was out and I could no longer hide behind it. The “Sigh” comes from a deep place of dissatisfaction within myself. My mind and the Me that is observing it have been at odds lately, a new experience for me, and and have left me without a place to go for peace and recharging. That I am even publicly saying this, is an indication that my cup of tolerance is full. What to do next? I don’t know. Trying to gather enough of myself to, as you said, find my way through.
Thank you for your writing.