I trust people I should not trust. Not always, and not as much as I did earlier in my life and not nearly as often and not for as long, but I still do it. Something in me believes that this other, this man, this woman who is sitting across from me saying, “I won’t screw you on this” really won’t. This is in spite of the entire world’s evidence saying he/she/they will, in fact, screw me. Maybe they are not malicious, maybe they are, but it takes me time to discern. In the thick of it, I sometimes believe I don’t have time to feel through it, but I do. Always. This is not a brain problem. It is a heart problem. I can think with the best of them, but my feeler is slower and does not come out readily. I have these habits of trusting the wrong people and then I get hurt, but if I wait, talk about it with people who care about me, think, feel, then I get it right. Then I can look in their steely blue eyes and see the mirage behind the fortress they portray. I can do this not because I know anything more about him/her/them. It is because I now know me, the me sitting in front of them. Once I have that, I am as safe as I can be, and that is very safe.