My son fears no person. He (literally) runs to strangers. I have a problem with this. The problem is me. I do not run to anyone, stranger or otherwise. I wait for them to get their asses over to me. On a walk, say on a Sunday in the park across the street, this raises issues, again, for me. “Hey, buddy (my son), let’s go look at the bark on this tree!!!!!!” “No? You want to hug that 45 year old over there?” then. “Wow, really, you do want to hug that 45 year old over there and play with his newspaper and make friends and crawl all over him and his dog and his coffee.”“?”“Hi, yes, he is…yes, bothering you? no?” Ok, I will stand over here by this. Anything can be ‘this’. They, meanwhile, make friends for life.
I am losing 5 friends to Maui. My friends, friends of mine and my family, all 5 of them are moving there. Making friends has never been easy, especially when sex/work/music are not part of the equation. It gets harder as I get older. This is one of those times when I want to write on your behalf and say that it gets harder as we or “one” gets older, but I don’t know. This one may just be me. You can let me know. In some ways, I know myself better than I ever have and I can read whether I want to be friends with you or not, but even if I do, it is hard. My friends who are moving, I know. I love them all and they live two doors down and three of them are no taller than my thigh, but all 5 of them are important to me, dear. Making friends with them was easy, because we have lots in common–work, kids, proximity–new additions to my “make friends easy equation”. But I have that in common with all kinds of people and yet these are my friends. Having a family in common feels rooted, feels like we will look at prints of photos when we are old, feels like we will revel in the wonder of the genes passing from us to our sons and daughters, like volunteer aspen shoots, making a stand out of a seedling, or something like that. Feels like I will share that with them, because I do now and I never thought I would at all, with anyone.
an ocean from here
and exactly where
they are planted